How my new life began...

On the morning of March 18th, I was not thinking about work at all.  Instead, I was thinking about the OB/GYN appointment that I had scheduled for 8am.  It was my 10-week appointment where Dusty and I were going to be able to hear the heartbeat for the first time.  I was really excited for this day for many reasons... I just wanted the reassurance that everything was going okay so far with the baby and I also wanted to finally tell everyone who didn't know yet that I was pregnant.  I had thought over and over how I was going to break the news on Facebook... would I try to be witty and clever?  Should I keep people guessing and just give them a clue?  Should I just talk about the heartbeat and act as if everyone knew already?  Seems silly now, but I enjoyed thinking of the many different ways to spill the beans.  The doc appointment went really well... was able to hear the heartbeat loud and clear in the 160's range... then went downstairs to the lab and had a bunch of blood drawn. 

I got into work just a few minutes after 9am and saw a co-worker of mine in the conference room when I walked in.  I asked her what she was doing in there and she said our manager asked to speak to her in there.  She was really nervous and she said half jokingly, "I think I'm going to be fired."  I told her "you're not going to be fired, don't worry... it's fine."  Then I walked along to another fellow co-worker, Annette, whom I am close to and said with a laugh, "Deborah thinks she's getting fired today." and we both shook our heads like it was so impossible.  I went on to tell her about my doc appointment when my boss walked by.  I shouted out to him, "hey!  My doctor appointment went well!" and he looked with me with a very serious face and asked, "were they able to find a heartbeat?" and I said "yup!  Sounded great!" Meanwhile, in my head I'm thinking that he just doesn't look happy because he has to have a serious talk with Deborah and those are never fun.  I walked back to my desk and got down to work.  Not even 10 seconds later, my boss came up and asked if I could join them in the large conference room.

I walked in there and joined Deborah and shortly later another sales rep walked in.  We were looking at each other like 'this is strange, what's going on?'  I pointed out to them that we are the bottom 3 reps on the "Rep Ranking" (as far as sales goes), but I still thought maybe we were just going to have a strict talking to.  So our boss finally walks in and he says something along the lines of "Bad news guys... I have been instructed to have a reduction in force and as of today your positions have been eliminated."  Everything after that is kind of a blur.  Deborah just kept talking while I just stared at the table which now had a severence package in front of me with my name on it.   My boss then had to go through a powerpoint presentation with us that outlined our severence and what we were to do next.  Honestly, I felt like it was the teacher on Charlie Brown speaking.  I barely heard a word.  I began crying like an idiot.  I couldn't even look at my boss.  He and I were buds... just couldn't believe this was happening. 

So many thoughts running through my head... how could they do this to ME?  After the years, the blood, sweat, and tears, just everything.  I always thought I would be one of the last ones standing.  I would make it through anything that came my way.  I was one of the few people there with a college degree and working my way towards a masters.  My co-workers would often come to me for help and I felt like I was well respected not by just my peers but also by management.  For a minute the anger subsided and I started then thinking about how much I was going to miss everyone.  I am extremely close to my co-workers and we share in the details of our personal lives and have been there for each other.  We have been a big family for quite a while now.  Most of all, I was going to miss working with my friend, Andrea.  I hired her in when I was the support supervisor a few years ago.  She and I have been best friends from the day we met in 5th grade.  We have each other's backs and just being able to share in something that we both could relate to made all the difference while working there.   Words cannot describe how awesome it is to work with someone who just gets you and knows the situation. 

Finally the powerpoint torture was over and I was able to get up and start cleaning out my desk.  I was a mess.  The first person I saw was Linda who immediately saw that I was upset and gave me a great big hug.  She asked what was wrong in a panicked voice and I said, "They're letting me go.  I've just been fired!"  I told her Deborah, myself, and one other had been let go.  By that time a few more people were standing around... the rest is a blur... I just kept hugging everyone and barely being able to look them in the eye while I gathered my stuff.  I remember looking up and seeing Andrea and she was probably crying as hard as I was.  We just kept shaking our heads... just could not believe it.

So that was that... I packed up my things, hugged everyone that was there goodbye and my new life began.