What prompted me to put it on Facebook was an article I came across that was posted on Upworthy titled: She Could Hear Every Word He Said Through The Open Window, So She Started Typing . It is a letter written by a woman, Angie Aker, who could hear her neighbor's husband (boyfriend?) being verbally abusive. Please read the letter in its entirety, but here is an excerpt:
He yells at you. We hear it. He calls you demeaning names. We hear it. I don’t know what else happens when the doors and windows close and we are no longer your witnesses — but make no mistake about it, you are not the things he calls you. Everyone on this block knows that. He has not stripped you of your credibility with us. You may feel stripped ... of your personal power, of your personal dignity, of the things that used to make you feel special before he made you feel like everything you do is wrong or bad. The only person who has the authority to give those things away is you. The only person who can restore those things, a bit at a time, is you.
There was something about that phrasing that made me think of my own experience. I felt as if Angie was speaking to the 12-years-ago-me. At the end of the letter, Angie reveals that years ago that was the position she was in, and she was able to get out. This is what made me decide to come out about my experience on my Facebook page. If I can just help one person by telling my story, by letting people know that I've been through it too, and that life can be so much better than what it is now, then that would be amazing to me. So here is my Facebook post:
However, within a few minutes comments of support started flowing in. Many comments from others who have also been through the same kind of relationship, but are now past it and living happy lives with someone who treats them well. Along with public comments also came private messages and texts offering support, empathy, and congratulations on how far I've come in my life since then. They were all amazing to read, every single one of them. It was nice to know so many friends had taken the time to read what I had written and then to reach out besides. My favorite comment, however, came from my dad:
"We knew only a very small part of what you went through but that was bad enough. We are so proud that you had the courage and strength to put an end to it. I remember the relief we felt the night we picked you up and how glad we were that you knew you always had a safe place to go."The support has been overwhelming, and with that comes the courage to go from posting it on Facebook to my network of friends to posting it out in cyberspace for anyone to read. With that comes that nausea feeling in the pit of my stomach again, but I'm putting it out there in hopes of it helping somebody someday.
I am saying once again, nobody deserves to be treated like that. Not all relationships are that way. There also doesn't have to be physical abuse for it to be an abusive relationship. You are not the things he (or she) tells you that you are. Please contact me if you ever feel you need support getting out of an abusive relationship. As Angie said in her letter, "You can keep waiting for this man to CHOOSE you once you’ve proven yourself 'good enough.' Or you can tell him to go to hell and you can choose yourself."
amanda(dot)shunta(at)gmail(dot)com
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