There's a first for everything

I had some medical tests done today that I have been very nervous about. Basically my woman parts are not being friendly to me lately.  I'll leave it at that as to not to disclose "too much information."  The first was an ultrasound.  I was in the waiting room when a little voice called out my name.  I got up and walked over to this girl who looked like she was still in high school as she nervously told me her name was Molly and a college intern.  Today was her first day of her internship.  She was just going to be asking me a few questions before the experienced tech was available to come to the room and do the ultrasound.  Molly seemed very intimidated and stumbled over the simplest questions.  "What's the date of your last period?  Oh, I should probably start with, what's your name and birth date?  Sorry!"  I laughed and told her it was just fine.  I have forgotten how hard it is to just talk to someone when you're doing a new job and you don't want to mess up.  I am sure she will be great once she gets more confident, but today she was a bit of a mess.  It made me laugh though which put me more at ease.  The tech came in and performed the ultrasound and then asked if it would be okay if the intern took a few pictures too.  Sure, why not?  Who doesn't love to be someone's guinea pig?  She did okay though and what she did do right the experienced tech politely corrected her on it.

After the ultrasound was over, then it was time to go upstairs to the "Breast Center" where I would have my first ever mammogram.  A few days ago I Googled mammogram machines and mammogram pictures to get an idea of what it would be like and what to look for.  The best way I can think of to describe what a mammogram feels like is if you were to place one boob at a time under a garage door and let it close on you.  I know, no one would actually do that, but it's that kind of weight that it feels like as your breast is in a vice.  Very strange and uncomfortable, but not like so painful you want to yell or something.  Just feels like it's being squished.... because, well, it is. The tech took several "pictures" of both breasts and I could see on the computer screen each time what the picture looked like.  I probably shouldn't have Googled the images before because I could have sworn that I saw cancer in each picture.  I was beginning to get a bit concerned.  It was over fairly quickly though and much to my surprise the tech told me that the radiologist would have a look at it and let me know in a few minutes if he saw anything.  I wasn't expecting to get results so quickly and then I began wondering if I should have brought my husband or someone along with me in case I got bad news.  I sat in the waiting room waiting for someone to get me for the results.  I was able to watch quite a bit of HGTV in that time and had forgotten how much I like watching people flip houses.  The tech came back in the room after a bit to tell me the radiologist said everything looked great and to just follow up with my primary physician. The experience wasn't so bad at all and I'm happy that it was all worries for no reason.  Now I just need my ultrasound results that will come sometime in the next three days. 

On a related yet unrelated note.... a friend of mine from high school posted on Facebook today that she was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer.  She is going to be undergoing chemo this week and surgery and radiation will follow.  Her words of advice to her friends were, listen to your body, get it checked out, get a mammogram.  Kind of a weird coincidence she posted it on the very day I was getting my first one.  All I can tell anyone who hasn't had one before is that it's not all that bad.  Especially if you've been through child birth, you've definitely been through worse than a mammogram.  Don't be scared of it.  Get checked out.

Been staying up way too late recently and I'm thinking it's because I have some medical tests coming up that I'm pretty nervous about.  Not so much nervous for the tests themselves, although it's not like that's fun,  but nervous for the results.  It's like I don't want them to find anything wrong, but I want answers.  And if they do find something wrong, is it going to be really bad?  What if they don't find something but really there's something there and the tests just didn't pick it up?  I'm trying not to worry because I know it doesn't do any good - won't change the result of anything.  Just can't help it though.  It's definitely weighing heavily on my mind. 

Perks of painting

Painting doesn't have many perks.  It's tedious, leaves you sore, takes up too much time, and just plain not fun.  However, today I was realizing the best part of painting is listening to music and really being able to hear the lyrics and dissecting them. 

I have heard the song "Tonight" by Fun. a million times.  I can even sing along to the majority of the song, but it wasn't until today, while painting, that I noticed the lyric: "My lover she’s waiting for me just across the bar. My seat’s been taken by some sunglasses asking 'bout a scar, and I know I gave it to you months ago"  I knew all the lyrics surrounding that one except for the part that is in bold.  Funny how you can just miss the middle part of a sentence and never really notice. Made me wonder if he's talking about a physical scar or maybe more of mental scar.  Probably doesn't matter.  And then I watched the video for the first time.  It has 348+ million views and yet I was not one of them until today.  What a strange video!!



Then the song Fix my Eyes by For King & Country came on.  I've been hearing the song quite a bit on Siriusxm, but haven't really LISTENED.  Here's an excerpt:

All of the mistakes
All of the heartbreak
Here's what I'd do differently, I'd

Love like I'm not scared
Give when it's not fair
Live life for another
Take time for a brother
Fight for the weak ones
Speak out for freedom
Find faith in the battle
Stand tall but above it all
Fix my eyes on You
On You

What a great message to say to your kids or anyone.  Especially the line "Give when it's not fair."  Imagine if we all did that what a better world this would be.  Sometimes it's a hard thing to do, but that's probably when it's most important.



I was able to listen to so many other great songs today that I shouldn't be upset painting took over four hours.  I never get to listen to music straight for that amount of time.  It really is good for the soul.  I need to trap myself in a room with Amazon Prime music more often. 

A room feels small until you paint it!

My kids don't have very big rooms.  Their rooms are adjoined by a "Jack and Jill" bathroom and therefore they don't have all that much wall space.  In my daughter's room one wall has the door entrance on it, another wall has the closet, the third wall has two very large windows, and the fourth wall has the door to the bathroom.  So I was under the misconception that painting it wouldn't be all that bad.... and maybe for experienced painters it's not.  However, turns out all of those doors and windows that take up wall space are a pain in the rear to paint around!  After 4+ hours, I am calling it quits for today.  I think it still needs another coat of paint and then the edging by the ceiling still needs to be done.  I have a phobia of ladders so either waiting for my husband to do it or my rent-a-husband friends to help me out.

Here are the before shots.  My daughter asked why we needed a "before" picture and I told her because one day we will forget her room was ever yellow or that she had carpet.

The deer watched us through the window prepare the room for painting. 

Then it was time to start painting!  There's no going back now!  The color she picked out is called "Flower Girl" by Behr.  How apropos!

This picture makes it look like we're all done....

But alas... short girl problems...

Meanwhile, Kitty appreciates the open window and I threaten his life if he lets his tail touch the paint.  Must have worked because he was a good boy.

New laminate flooring comes Monday and then I'll have official before and after pictures with everything completed!!  Feels good to work on a project on the house even if my bones and muscles are aching something fierce right now.  The sense of accomplishment is a good feeling.

YUP - Got me thinking...

I am a member of the Facebook Group YUP Muskegon.  It's a very informal group of "Young Professionals" or "Young Urban Professionals" (but I'm not a fan of the term urban in the context of our group - subject for another day) that meets up once a month after business hours for drinks.  Someone recently tagged me and two other ladies in the post asking us whether we were admins of the group or if we knew who was.  I was flattered that they thought I was even a possibility as an admin considering I had never attended one of the YUP meet ups and wasn't all that active in the online group.

So I responded that I was not in fact an admin of the page nor did I know who was.  I also stated that lately I haven't felt very young or "professional" as of late.  Truth is, when I look at the pictures from these meetups, it's mostly 20-somethings whom I've never heard of, never met, and are more successful than I am.  I am in my mid-thirties and the job title of "mom" has now taken over almost exclusively.  I'm once again feeling in this strange pickle as I felt when I started this blog in 2010. 

In the last five years, I have had many ups and downs.  I started my own company with some friends called, Net Owl Media, I also started a non-profit.  I've done a whole slew of volunteering and gotten more active in my church.  But slowly work has declined.  Net Owl Media is no more.  The non-profit is still hanging on and I hope to see great things come from it, but it's been slow.  I went from having my kids in daycare twice a week so I could get work done to not having them in daycare at all anymore.  I see my professional life slipping away and I'm not sure how I feel about it. 

On one hand, what a blessing it is to not HAVE to work!  To have the option of being a stay at home mom is wonderful.  I love being available for all the kids' activities, school functions, picking them up from school, etc.  I never have to ask for time off of work to do any of those things or try to find someone to cover my shift.  Being with my kids whenever I want to truly is a gift.

However, when I'm cruising around town in my minivan, my mind begins to wander about what happened to the other side of me.  The side that LIKES to work.  Likes to feel good at my job, respected, even an expert at times.  I'm not sure any parent feels like an expert at parenting.  It's such a crap shoot.  You just do the best you can do and hope that your kid grows up to be a good, respectable human being.  There's no "high fives" at the end of the day for really nailing that mom role.  There's no promotion or raise to strive for.

It's not that I'm feeling overwhelmed by my kids at the moment or that I need a break from being mom (although I wouldn't turn one down).  It's just that I'm struggling to find a place that will satisfy both parts to me.  I find myself back to where I started five years ago.... not sure where to go or what to do.  Not sure I even want to formulate a plan or figure it out any time soon.... but you probably won't see me at a "young professional" meet up in the near future either.

Choose Yourself: Get out of a verbally abusive relationship

Earlier this week I posted a secret on my Facebook page.  Something that my very close family and friends knew, but that my greater social network was definitely unaware of.  I admitted that 12-13 years ago I was in a mentally abusive marriage.  This announcement surprised a number of people because most did not know I was even married before my current husband and therefore obviously didn't know the details of the marriage.

What prompted me to put it on Facebook was an article I came across that was posted on Upworthy titled:  She Could Hear Every Word He Said Through The Open Window, So She Started Typing . It is a letter written by a woman, Angie Aker, who could hear her neighbor's husband (boyfriend?) being verbally abusive.  Please read the letter in its entirety, but here is an excerpt:

He yells at you. We hear it. He calls you demeaning names. We hear it. I don’t know what else happens when the doors and windows close and we are no longer your witnesses — but make no mistake about it, you are not the things he calls you. Everyone on this block knows that. He has not stripped you of your credibility with us. You may feel stripped ... of your personal power, of your personal dignity, of the things that used to make you feel special before he made you feel like everything you do is wrong or bad. The only person who has the authority to give those things away is you. The only person who can restore those things, a bit at a time, is you.

There was something about that phrasing that made me think of my own experience.  I felt as if Angie was speaking to the 12-years-ago-me.  At the end of the letter, Angie reveals that years ago that was the position she was in, and she was able to get out.  This is what made me decide to come out about my experience on my Facebook page.  If I can just help one person by telling my story, by letting people know that I've been through it too, and that life can be so much better than what it is now, then that would be amazing to me.  So here is my Facebook post:

I attached the Upworthy article and pressed "post".  Immediately, I felt a wave of nausea come over me. What are people going to think?  What will my husband think about me talking about the past with my ex?  How would people react to me having been married before?  Are people going to think I'm just trying to get attention and/or sympathy?

However, within a few minutes comments of support started flowing in.  Many comments from others who have also been through the same kind of relationship, but are now past it and living happy lives with someone who treats them well.  Along with public comments also came private messages and texts offering support, empathy, and congratulations on how far I've come in my life since then.  They were all amazing to read, every single one of them.  It was nice to know so many friends had taken the time to read what I had written and then to reach out besides.  My favorite comment, however, came from my dad:

"We knew only a very small part of what you went through but that was bad enough. We are so proud that you had the courage and strength to put an end to it. I remember the relief we felt the night we picked you up and how glad we were that you knew you always had a safe place to go."

The support has been overwhelming, and with that comes the courage to go from posting it on Facebook to my network of friends to posting it out in cyberspace for anyone to read.  With that comes that nausea feeling in the pit of my stomach again, but I'm putting it out there in hopes of it helping somebody someday.

I am saying once again, nobody deserves to be treated like that.  Not all relationships are that way.  There also doesn't have to be physical abuse for it to be an abusive relationship.  You are not the things he (or she) tells you that you are.  Please contact me if you ever feel you need support getting out of an abusive relationship.  As Angie said in her letter, "You can keep waiting for this man to CHOOSE you once you’ve proven yourself 'good enough.' Or you can tell him to go to hell and you can choose yourself."

amanda(dot)shunta(at)gmail(dot)com

Yes, I invited celebrities to my wedding

My husband and I got married back in 2006.  During the wedding invitation addressing process we had just six invitations left after all of our friends and family had been invited.  Instead of just letting those invitations go to waste, or keep in a keepsake box that we'll never look at again, we decided to send them out into the universe to some of our favorite celebrities that we felt MIGHT possibly respond.  We knew none would actually show up to the wedding in our hometown of Muskegon, MI, but we thought even if just one returned the RSVP card with the decline checked that, in and of itself would be cool. 

So earlier this week we met one of our favorite rockers Matt Nathanson during a "Meet and Greet" after his concert at Frederick Meijer Gardens in Grand Rapids.  What do you say to someone famous during these awkward Meet and Greets?  This isn't the first time we've met Matt (probably our third or fourth) and we've encountered other celebrities/singers in the past as well.  You have two seconds to say something, someone snaps a picture, and then they move on to the next person.  So I decide to clumsily blurt out "we invited you to our wedding in 2006."  To which, Matt responded the only way any celeb could to this awkward declaration "oh and you're still married, congratulations on your long nuptials!" Husband and I both giggled, said thanks, photo snapped, and he moved on to the next person.


It got me thinking though about the people who we invited then and who I may have wanted to invite if our wedding was today instead.  So here are the chosen six of who we invited:

1.  Matt Nathanson - my husband was a huge fan of his music for years and would send me his songs during his courtship with me.  Granted, they were very dark, depressing songs, but I loved them as much as he did.

2006 looking Matt Nathanson

2. The Cast of How I Met Your Mother - The show had only had one season at the time and we were hooked.  The funniest show to come out for our generation, we felt there was so much to it that we could relate to.

How I Met Your Mother

3. Jeff Daniels - Hails from Michigan, and love his work.  Thought he might not have anything going on and could pop on over for a wedding.  Worth a shot, right?

Jeff Daniels

4. Jeff Bridges - The Dude abides.  Seriously.... he's the dude... no explanation needed.

Jeff Bridges

5. Andy Richter - I have a massive crush on Conan O'Brien and since I figured he was too huge to respond, I would invite his trusty sidekick who I believe was born in Grand Rapids, MI.  Truth be told, I really do like Andy though and think he's just as bit as funny as Conan.

Andy Richter

6.  ??????????????  And we both can't remember who the sixth celebrity was that we invited!!  If it comes to me I will edit this entry and add the person.

Now that we have been married for coming up on eight years, I think about how this list would change, or be added to, if we were to do it today.

I would add Mark Rufalo as a celebrity that I respect for his advocacy for the environment and climate change awareness.  Seth Glier who we have seen seven times in concert in the last couple years.  We have a deep respect for not only his songwriting ability, but also his character.  Emma Stone because she's someone that young girls should look up to - smart, funny, and talented - and I just thoroughly enjoy her.  And lastly Pharrell Williams because he just seems like an all round nice and humble man, on top of being crazy talented.

I know the people listed on here are not necessarily the conventional celebrities that if someone could have show up at a wedding they would be the one, but for whatever reason they have touched our hearts.  Who is a celebrity you would want to hang out with for a day?